Bhutan at the Olympics

Bhutan at the Olympics

Some irresponsible and insensitive Bhutanese have been trolling on why Bhutan cannot win an Olympics medal. But a JigsNews and International Olympic Committee joint study reveals that non-winning has nothing to do with capabilities, but more with the political, social-economic, geographical & cultural conditions.

Archery and shooting

Foreign media has been praising Bhutan for not winning any medal and are exoticising our athletes so much that they blush the moment they read an article on them. But our study reveals that while Bhutanese are good in traditional archery, their inability to win an international tournament has a Chinese connection. Even though the archery set they use seems to come from US or Europe, the manual rolled around the bow-string is always in Chinese. After all everything is made in China these days. And you know how difficult it is to get a Chinese interpreter in Bhutan.

And moreover, Bhutanese can’t win a shooting or archery competition unless there is someone to distract them at the target end. Department of Culture should consider composing some lewd songs aimed at our archery maiden and have men singing it. And the effect of prayers for winning has geographical limitations. Dechenphodrang is too far from London.

Water sports

Blame it on the Blessed Rainy Day, a very auspicious day in Bhutan where the whole country takes a shower. Astrologers have warned against potential swimmers that if they practice everyday, then Blessed Rainy Day will have no effect. And which Bhutanese would want to win gold instead of god?

Throw events

As Buddhists, Bhutanese try to avoid confrontations. The study says that most athletes come from very poor background and there is no big enough a ground to practice regularly. And since most of practicable land are in the hands of a rich few, a discus, shot-put or javelin throw lands in the property of some influential dasho and he complains against his land being damaged. In Bhutan avoiding the wrath of a rich man is better than an Olympic gold.

Long distance walk

How can someone practice when the country has just one designated day a week for walking. Moreover, most Bhutanese are used to walking in the dark (night hunting) in rugged conditions whereas at the Olympics the athletes are made to walk in broad daylight or under floodlights.

Sprints

Bhutanese, used to rocky paths find it difficult to run on clean synthetic tracks. Also blame it on Bhutan’s conversation policy, before you finish a 100 meter dash, you dash into at least three trees that proudly hold the branches of Gross National Happiness. The strict traffic rule of ‘slow down, move to the left lane & let vehicles overtake’ is seen as a major impediment to Bhutanese sprinters who can’t shed the habit on the tracks. Another significant finding is that Bhutan doesn’t want to offend Indian or Chinese sprinters for geopolitical reasons. What happens on the tracks influences diplomacy.

Pole vault & high jump

The world has never witnessed an Olympics in the Himalayas. You see, there is a certain height to which our gymnasts can jump. The air here is thinner, gravitational pull is lesser. So a gymnast who weaves magic in the Bhutanese fails elsewhere.

Mixed doubles

Suspicion of extra-marital affairs, a small society syndrome, is impeding participants in men-women’s mixed doubles in disciplines such as tennis & table tennis.

Wrestling

The Bhutanese society’s non-acceptance of gay culture. A lot of touching, fondling, slapping is needed in wrestling. Isn’t it too gayish and kinky?

Team events

With 6 political parties, it is difficult to build team unity as teams cannot be formed with supporters of one party. Therefore, there is disunity and teamwork is an issue, which deters Bhutan from getting medals in team event.

Last but not the least, there are always more officials than athletes. If there was a competition for non-athletes on the struggles to get into the Olympics contingent, our officials would stand a fair chance against medal-winning countries.
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This story from Sonam Pem

Sonam Pem has the distinction of being our very first author on Bhutanomics.

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